A Big Step: Your Child Can Be Comforted After Saying Goodbye

The moment of saying goodbye often still brings tears, but a short while later, your child snuggles up to another trusted person and calms down. This emotional step shows that your child is developing a deep sense of trust in their environment. They are beginning to understand that you will return and can allow themselves to be comforted by others in the meantime.

What you might observe

During this phase, parents often experience a mix of strong emotions. Your child might cling to you when you put on your jacket or cry as you approach the door. These reactions show a strong and loving attachment to you. The crucial new step, however, happens in the minutes after you leave.

Once you are out of sight, your child turns to another trusted caregiver. This could be an educator at daycare, a grandparent, or a babysitter. Your child allows themselves to be held, spoken to, and regulated through gentle words or a hug. The tears stop, their breathing becomes calmer, and their physical tension melts away.

Children at this age often use small aids to comfort themselves. They might hold their favorite cuddly toy tightly, suck on a pacifier, or hold a piece of fabric that smells like you. After a short period of settling in, your child begins to take an interest in their surroundings again. They might reach for a toy, watch other children, or get involved in a game.

Their reaction upon your return is also interesting. Many children beam with joy when you walk back through the door. Others suddenly start crying again the moment they see you. This is a sign of deep relief: the tension of the day falls away because their safe haven has returned.

Typical timeframe

This emotional developmental step appears in many children between 13 and 36 months. Around this age, their understanding grows that objects and people continue to exist even when they are out of sight. This concept, known as object permanence, helps your child enormously when saying goodbye.

Some children allow themselves to be comforted by others very early on without any issues, while others need a little more time and practice. Daily factors also play a significant role. If your child is tired, teething, or fighting off a mild illness, letting go is often harder. On those days, there might be more tears, and calming down might take a bit longer.

How to support your child

Your own attitude and small routines can help your child navigate this emotional step well. Children are very sensitive to their parents' feelings.

A loving, clear goodbye: Always say goodbye to your child consciously. Sneaking away can shake their trust, as the child remains in constant worry that you might suddenly disappear. A short, clear goodbye provides security.

Name and accept feelings: Show understanding for the pain of separation. Sentences like "I see that you are sad because I am leaving now" help your child understand their own emotions. They feel seen and taken seriously in their sorrow.

Give a piece of home: A familiar object can work wonders. A cuddly toy, a small blanket, or even a scarf that smells like you serves as a bridge between you and the caregiver. It gives the child something tangible to hold onto.

Announce your return in a child-friendly way: Times like "at three o'clock" are still hard for toddlers to grasp. Instead, use landmarks from your child's daily routine. You can say, "After lunch and nap time, I will come pick you up."

Radiate trust: If you approach the caregiver with a smile and full of trust, your child will feel it. Your inner calm signals to the child that they are safe here and can relax.

When goodbyes remain a struggle

Every child has their own pace in emotional development. There are phases when separation anxiety becomes more present again. However, if you observe that your child remains inconsolable for a very long time, stays distressed, and you are worried about their well-being, your pediatrician's office is a good place for a conversation. Together with your pediatrician, you can calmly look at how you and your child can best be supported during this emotional phase.