Clubs and Squads: When Your Child Forms Their Own Groups

During the school years, many children discover a completely new way of interacting by forming their own clubs, squads, or secret societies. These self-organized groups are much more than just play, as they offer a safe space where social rules are negotiated and identities outside the family are tested. Parents often observe in this phase how exclusive friendships, shared secrets, and a strong sense of unity suddenly become incredibly important. These milestones in social development show impressively how children begin to understand themselves as part of a larger community.

What you might observe

When children begin to form their own groups, it often shows through a great enthusiasm for shared symbols and rituals. A unique name for the squad, a secret password, a special handshake, or a hand-drawn crest suddenly become enormously important. These elements create a clear boundary between the group and the outside world. Your child experiences an intense feeling of belonging and collective strength. Often, children spend hours designing and perfecting these symbols, which simultaneously fosters their creativity and abstract thinking.

At the same time, complex structures often develop within these clubs. Children negotiate intensely about who takes on which role. There might be a leader, someone who keeps the secret records, or a member responsible for snacks in the hideout. Through this distribution of roles, your child practices taking responsibility and fitting into a community. They learn that a functioning group needs rules respected by everyone. These early democratic negotiation processes are fascinating to observe.

Another clear sign is the strong need for boundaries and privacy. A treehouse, a corner in the bedroom, a spot behind the shed, or a virtual room in a game is declared the exclusive headquarters. Adults are often strictly forbidden from entering. Your child creates their own space where they can act undisturbed by parental eyes. This autonomy is an important step in social development, giving the child the feeling of being in charge of their own little world.

The thematic focus of these squads can vary greatly. Some children form detective clubs to uncover supposed mysteries in the neighborhood. Others join forces as nature explorer bands, building forts in the woods and collecting special stones. Still, others start clubs around shared hobbies, like a specific book, a video game, or a sport. Regardless of the topic, the focus is always on doing things together and sharing interests.

Sometimes this phase also brings challenges reflected in your child's behavior. Arguments can arise within the squad because rules were broken or someone wants to leave the group. The topic of exclusion also frequently plays a role at this age when other children are not allowed into the club. In these moments, your child goes through an intense emotional learning phase, training empathy, willingness to compromise, and conflict resolution. They experience firsthand what peer pressure feels like and how important loyalty is.

Interests and group dynamics often change quite quickly at this age. A club that was the most important thing in the world yesterday might be dissolved tomorrow because interests have shifted. Your child tries out different social dynamics and tests who they harmonize with best. This changeability is a natural part of the social learning process and helps the child find their own social identity.

Typical timeframe

The interest in fixed, self-organized groups often awakens in many children between the ages of six and twelve. During this phase of elementary school and early adolescence, the opinions of peers become increasingly important, while the absolute focus on parents slowly decreases. Some children enthusiastically form small squads as early as first grade, while others develop the need for such exclusive groups later on. Still, other children prefer loose, changing friendships or deep one-on-one connections and have no interest in formal clubs at all. All these paths are completely fine and simply reflect different personalities.

How to support your child

The club phase is sometimes a small balancing act for parents between letting go and guiding. With a few simple approaches, you can wonderfully support your child in this important stage of social development.

Respect privacy

Take the need for their own secret space seriously. If the club meets in the bedroom and a keep out sign hangs on the door, respect this boundary. Knock before entering, and give the children the feeling that their little world is safe and undisturbed. This acknowledgment enormously strengthens your child's self-confidence and shows them that you respect their boundaries.

Show interest without interfering

Feel free to ask about the name of the squad or their shared plans if your child wants to talk about them. Show genuine interest in their experiences without wanting to take the lead. Let the children set their own rules and plan their projects independently. Your role is that of an appreciative audience, not project management. It is completely fine if the children's plans sometimes seem illogical or chaotic.

Offer resources and materials

You can wonderfully support the creative processes by unobtrusively providing materials. Old cardboard boxes, blankets, flashlights, notepads, or ink pads are often highly coveted items for secret societies. By making such things available, you signal your support for their play without interfering in the content.

Stay in the background during conflicts

When clashes happen within the squad, the first impulse is often to mediate immediately. Instead, try to just listen to your child first and reflect their feelings. Ask how they want to solve the situation, and encourage them to find their own ways out of the conflict. Only intervene if the situation escalates strongly, children are getting hurt, or real bullying is taking place.

Gently moderate the topic of exclusion

Clubs often define themselves by who belongs and who does not. If you notice that other children are being actively and hurtfully excluded, you can provide gentle guidance. Ask your child in a quiet moment how the excluded child might be feeling. A small change in perspective is often enough to awaken empathy, without you having to work with strict bans that often only provoke defiance.

Leave room for change

Take it in stride when squads dissolve or friendships shift. Comfort your child if they are sad about the end of a club, but do not devalue the experiences. Every group, no matter how short-lived, has given your child valuable experiences in dealing with other people and has brought them a step further in their social development.